and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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