My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
