We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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