I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize