standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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