I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
