so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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