Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
