Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
