that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
