No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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