I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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