He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
