I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
