And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
