she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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