yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
