Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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