so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
