Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
