I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
