census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
