Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I came so hard my ears popped.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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