I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize