Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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