if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
