When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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