it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
