No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
