I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as a side note pls kill me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
