i already hear my dad disowning me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize