I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
