I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
