you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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