Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
