Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
