garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
