return my video game
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
