Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
