its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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