Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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