We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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