sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
