the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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