What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
