I just made out with a guy for $7.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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