ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
