I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
