brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
