The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
