Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i believe in u and ur pee
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
