Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
