That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
