is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
