this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
