Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize