Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
