Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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