Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
