this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
