my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
