Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
