she looked like the before picture.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
