I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
