so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
