Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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