guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
