he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
