matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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