If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
