no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
