dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
