You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
