You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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