If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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