I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize