My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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