drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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