I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
