i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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