We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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