Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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