I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
