im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
