We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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