The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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