we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
