Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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