Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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